


My Kiss Can Mend Your Broken Heart

by PigSlay



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alcohol, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Other, Recreational Drug Use, Sex Mentions, surprise pairing at the end, the 5H girls (other than Camila) are just briefly there
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-23
Updated: 2015-10-23
Packaged: 2018-04-24 12:31:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4919662
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PigSlay/pseuds/PigSlay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After Zayn leaves the band, Niall withdraws into his head. He tries his best to keep up appearances (both in public and in front of the boys) but it's not hard to notice when he falters. Harry is the first one to do something about it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Kiss Can Mend Your Broken Heart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [siempreniall](https://archiveofourown.org/users/siempreniall/gifts).



> I don’t know One Direction. 
> 
> To the person receiving this fic: I just want to say thank you so much for this prompt. This prompt is EXACTLY what I needed in the midst of all this. Because even like four - five months later, I could relate to Niall’s feelings in your prompt description (only I don’t have a Harry to kiss). I only hope I did it justice and didn’t like, self-insert my own feelings too much. Also, I hope you don't mind the surprise pairing I stuck at the ending (I THINK I remember the mods said that you were okay with any side pairings, but yeah).
> 
> I planned this fic out - made a timeline (with Janee's help) of what all I thought were the most important OT4 and Niall moments post-Zayn leaving. BUT having said that, I STILL might have gotten some dates inaccurate (although I tried really hard not to hahaha) so like, don't get angry at me for it. :P
> 
> Anyway...
> 
> THANK YOU to Janee. Without you I don't think I even would've been able to finish this fic, but like you said, "we're going to make sure that doesn't happen" (in response to me thinking about dropping out after getting an extension). But yeah, without you I wouldn't have been able to get to this point, and I mean that both with the fic itself and with MY mental health in regards to the situation as well. So yes, thank you so much. I love you. <3
> 
> THANK YOU to my beta readers, tumblr users ziallsrp and zaynlilo. I really appreciate the help you gave me. :)
> 
> Lastly, the BIGGEST THANK YOUUUU to the mods of this exchange. I know me asking for an extension - and then another extension - really brought you a lot of stress and I thank you so much for giving me more chances than I probably deserved. I appreciate you guys so much for putting on this exchange, for dealing with me (and other people who did similar things probably :/), for just being so kind despite all the stress this exchange has brought you guys. I love you. <3

**April 2**

It's been about a week since Zayn left. Niall has been holding it together, at least he thinks so. He hasn't cried in public yet, or in front of the boys for that matter.

It's not that he thinks they'll judge him, or not understand. He definitely knows the other boys and their fans won't hold it against him. As a matter of fact, he thinks the fans and media actually expect him to be crying.

It's just, Niall doesn't feel he has a _right_ to be sad about it. Zayn left because this job wasn't making him happy. Zayn will be happier now, being able to take care of himself and not have to worry about pleasing anyone but himself. Niall should be happy for him.

So why does he still feel so torn up about it? Why does he still get sad when he’s reminded that there are, in the eyes of the public, four members now, not five? Why does he still feel awful when he covers one of Zayn’s parts on stage, like Zayn should be popping out any minute laughing at Niall because he sang Zayn’s line by mistake? Why does he still miss Zayn with his entire being?

He decides to try and put those thoughts aside, because right now he has to go meet with the boys.

He sighs, getting up from his bed and grabbing his bag for the bowling alley. Phone vibrating, Niall reaches in his pocket to get it. It's a text from Harry.

_Hey Niall. You on your way? Xx_

**_N:_ ** _leaving right now ! sorry t delay ._

 **_H:_ ** _okay. Can't wait to see you .Xx_

Niall turns off his phone for now and heads outside and to his car. As he's driving, he finds his thoughts once again going back to Zayn. 'Zayn is gone' keeps repeating over and over again in his head and his body starts shaking so bad he's almost surprised he doesn't crash.

When he actually gets into the parking lot, it takes him a moment to digest the fact that he's there. Wow, he thinks. Must be muscle memory. It's sad that even the term 'muscle memory' makes him think of Zayn because he could probably just as easily lose focus and find himself at Zayn's house.

He's not going to do that though. Instead he's just going to get out of the car and walk into the bowling alley. Any second now, he's going to get up...

He just sits there though, mind still full of images of Zayn, their final moments together before he left replaying in Niall's head.

_It had been about 8 PM at night and all the boys were about to go to sleep, but Zayn had told them all he needed to talk to them about something important._

_Zayn was pacing around the room for a few minutes and everyone knew what he had to say had to be really important. No one made an effort to tell him to hurry up, no matter how tired they were._

_Finally, Zayn spoke. "Guys," he said, voice cracking. Niall already wanted to go up and hug him because he sounded so sad and vulnerable. "I'm really sorry to say this, but I...” he stopped, taking a few more minutes to work up the courage to speak again. “I’m going to be leaving the band.”_

_"What?" Louis had asked in such a small voice Niall almost thought it came from someone else. Even on his worst days, Louis never sounded so small, so on edge. It made Niall get chills. "No, Zayn, you can't be serious."_

_"Unfortunately I am," Zayn frowned, turning his face to his hands and talking quieter. "I don't want to do it, but I'm afraid this is the only way I can be truly happy."_

_"Do you mean we don't make you happy?" Louis asked, sounding as wounded as Niall felt. Niall felt like the room was spinning, his chest tightening. Like everything was both moving all at once and at the same time staying entirely too still._

_"NO!" Zayn immediately insisted, then quickly lowered his voice. "No. You guys are my boys. I love you. I also love our fans, and doing what I love by singing every night. But..." He paused, taking deep breaths. He was trying to make eye contact with the rest of them, but was obviously having a hard time doing so. His cheeks were almost as red as the curtains in this room, which made even more tears threaten to come pouring out of Niall’s eyes. He wouldn’t let them though, not yet at least…_

_"But this fame thing... Like, it's just not real to me. Having to live up to an image other people have composed of me, never able to just be... Me." He shook his head. "And sometimes even that isn't enough. Because of my skin tone, or my religion. People will always see me as a terrible person." His lip was quivering, cheeks and eyes both extremely red now, and the sight made Niall’s heart beat even faster than it had already been, if possible. "So I want to be able to just... be me. You know?"_

_Liam, Louis, and Niall were just frozen in place, but Harry (thank goodness) saved them. “We understand,” he told him. “You’ve gotta do what’s best for you, and we hope you feel better this way.”_

_The other three attempted to nod, but they were so slow Zayn probably didn’t even notice them. “When… when are you leaving?” Liam had barely gotten out._

_“Well, I guess after the show tomorrow,” Zayn admitted. “Our team will probably wait to make the announcement until a few days later.”_

_“Oh…” Liam had just said awkwardly, wiping his face before tears could even really start. “I see.” There was kind of an angry tinge to his voice. Niall understood; although he and Liam had been roommates in boot camp, Zayn was the first one of the boys Liam really clicked with, so it was natural he’d be a little angry about losing him._

_Tears started forming in Zayn’s eyes again and Niall just wanted to walk up to him and wipe them all off. “Please guys, I can’t leave having the three of you hate me.”_

_“We don’t hate you,” Niall said suddenly, surprising himself. He hadn’t meant to say anything, but it was out then, so he bit his lip and tried to think of an easy comparison. “It’s just like… imagine you were still living at home, Zayn. You were still living at home, not a famous celebrity, and then one day, one of your sisters said she was leaving. She says she’s leaving because it’s what’s best for her, and it probably is, but darn it, are you going to be completely happy about that? No. For a while you’ll probably be sad, and irrationally angry, and just…” Niall stopped. “You’re gonna miss her. You’re gonna miss her so much. Because for so long she’s been a constant, and it’s hard to imagine her not being there.” Liam and Louis nodded in agreement._

_Zayn stared at Niall with a huge frown and before he could blink, ran over and hugged him so tight. “I’m gonna miss you so much, Niall,” he said, sniffling._

_“I’m gonna miss you so much too,” Niall replied, also sniffling._

_The next day passed in a blur. All of them pulled it together for the show to the best of their ability (although Niall did slip up during the group hug, saying “while Zayn’s here”) but as soon as they were done they all cried and hugged again, not ever wanting to leave each other’s arms._

Niall thinks he’s about to cry again, just thinking about it in this dumb car. He buries his head in his lap, not even thinking about the reason he’s here in the first place. However, he remembers when he hears a knock on the window. He knows it has to be one of the other boys, so he quickly fakes a smile while he’s still got his head hidden and sits up straighter, hoping whoever it is can’t tell.

It’s Harry. Niall rolls down the window. “Hello!” he says, trying his best to sound cheerful. “What’s up?”

“Uh…” Harry tries, an expression difficult to read on his face. “We’ve just been waiting for you so we could get started. Figured I’d go check and see if you were out here, since you weren’t responding to my texts.”

Niall laughs, even though it’s half-hearted and he knows it. “Yeah, sorry about that. I turned my phone off for a little bit.” He starts opening the door and walks outside. “Well, guess we better get started on bowling, right?” He laughs again, hoping this one sounds more convincing.

He can feel Harry’s gaze on his back as the two boys walk into the bowling alley.

“Well, look who’s here!” Louis announces, standing up from the chair the two others are waiting at by the door. “We were worried about you, almost afraid you wouldn’t show up.” He pulls Niall into a hug and Niall giggles slightly.

“Yeah, well,” Niall shrugs. “Wanted to give you lads some time before I owned you, you know?”

“You hear that?” Louis says. “Those are fighting words, Niall. Hope you’re ready to eat them.”

Niall laughs genuinely at that and the four of them go over to get their bowling shoes.

“I still don’t understand the point of these,” Harry complains as he ties his. “Like, why do we need specific shoes for bowling?”

“Maybe it’s like how you go to the skating rink and need to wear skates,” Liam offers. “So you don’t slip and all that.”

“But what are we gonna slip on?” Harry questions. “The floor is like basically the same texture as floors at the mall or something.”

Liam laughs and Louis slaps Harry’s shoulder. “Calm down, mate,” Louis instructs. “It’s just shoes. Also, you’re up first.”

Harry grumbles. “Why am I always the one who goes first?”

Niall hears Louis whisper to Liam, “Well isn’t this one just a bundle of joy tonight?” and bites his lip to stop himself from snickering.

They’re about halfway through the game, Liam winning so far (and Louis not letting Niall forget it) when it happens. Of course the boys had rented out this place so they wouldn’t get mobbed or anything, but the people in charge of the bowling alley are still going to play the music they want to. And when it’s just the four of them, it’s easier to hear the songs that are playing.

_Going out tonight, changes into something red. Her mother doesn’t like that kind of dress…_

Niall freezes. He’s got the bowling ball in his hand, knows his friends are waiting on him to throw it at the pins, but he can’t move. All he can do is think back to the day after they were done shooting this video. How he, Zayn, and Louis had all gone out for drinks.

_“I tell you mate,” Louis had said on the way there, smoking a joint and passing it to Zayn. “It’s so weird picturing our fans just watching this video and pretending they’re going on a date with us.”_

_“Aw come on,” Zayn tried, taking the joint. “It’s cute. Well, up until the part where they leave me behind and leave you to get arrested. But you know. It teaches them that life isn’t perfect.” He laughed._

_“Life_ is _perfect though,” Niall had said, wrapping his arms around Zayn’s shoulders from the back seat. “Because the five of us have each other.”_

_Zayn turned his head back to face Niall’s and smiled widely. “You’re so right, babe.” He planted a kiss on Niall’s forehead._

Niall tries to stop the thoughts, pushing forward and almost not noticing he gets a strike, until a second later when Louis is cheering for him. Niall grins weakly at him, accepting his high five. “I thought you were Liam’s cheerleader.”

“I’m the cheerleader of whoever’s winning,” Louis teases, going over to take his turn.

Niall isn’t sure why, but Harry keeps frowning at him for the rest of the night.

***

Liam ended up winning (although Niall was a very close second). The four of them are now in their hotel rooms – Liam and Louis in one, Niall and Harry in the other. Niall’s getting ready for bed, when suddenly Harry walks over to him with an unreadable look on his face.

“Niall,” he starts, sitting down on Niall’s bed.

“Oh hi Harry,” Niall replies. “I’m not really in the cuddling mood tonight so you should probably just sleep in your own bed.” He tries to pass it off as a joke, but it’s obviously not working because Harry’s still got that expression on his face, blinking at him.

“Tell me what’s wrong,” Harry pushes.

Niall swallows, hoping Harry doesn’t suspect anything from the action. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

Harry raises an eyebrow at him, and Niall feels like the walls are closing in on him. “Look Niall, if you’re still sad about it you can talk to me. I’m not going to judge you.” Niall really doesn’t want to have this conversation right now.

“Yeah, I’m still sad about my brother Greg making money off my fans. He’s a jerk though, what can you do?” Niall tries to laugh, looking down at the blanket so he doesn’t have to stare at Harry’s face anymore.

Harry puts his hand in Niall’s. “Listen, Niall. It’s only been a week. You don’t have to be afraid to tell us you’re still sad. Zayn was my friend too. You think I don’t still miss him? I may be better at hiding it, but I can tell you without a doubt that I miss him pretty much every day. And I know the others do too.”

He pauses for a moment. “I saw how you reacted, when you heard his voice in the bowling alley. And how I walked over to your car and saw your face hidden in your lap… I know you were crying over him.” He tightens his grip on Niall’s hand. “It’s okay if you don’t wanna talk about it right now. But I just want you to know I’m here, whenever you need someone to listen.”

Niall chances a look at Harry’s face again. It’s concerned, no judgment anywhere in it, and Niall is so grateful. However, even if he may be on the verge of crying (again), he won’t let Harry know that. Not yet.

So instead he smiles and says, “Thanks Harry. I promise I’m alright though.”

Harry seems to be resigned to the fact that Niall isn’t going to tell him anything right now, so he just sighs. “Alright, well. We should probably get some sleep or something, yeah? Goodnight Niall.”

He starts to get up and go to his own bed but Niall stops him. “Wait. Stay and cuddle?”

"I thought you said you weren't in the cuddling mood tonight or something like that," Harry tests, looking iffy.

Niall just pouts in response and Harry starts giggling. “Okay. Of course.”

Niall perks up at that and opens his arms so that Harry can get his body inside them, knowing how much Harry loves being the little spoon. They end up cuddling until the morning and Niall will never admit out loud how much it means to him to know Harry cares so much, even if Niall refuses to tell him he’s still sad right now.

 

**April 4**

Niall knows today’s the day. Their publicists told them in an email a few days ago that it would be going out today. Their first official interview without Zayn.

So why is it that even though he knows it’s coming out today, he still cringes when it does? He doesn’t know.

He also doesn’t know why he can’t stop re-reading the comments on the article, most of which are absolutely disgusting and by people who think they know everything when they so obviously don’t.

 _"We're gutted that Zayn chose to leave, but now after a few performances as a four piece, we're feeling confident and are determined to carry on stronger than ever.”_ Liam is quoted as saying this in the article.

Niall pffts. That’s the biggest lie he’s ever heard. Sometimes when he’s on stage he still catches either himself or Liam looking around for Zayn to do his part and then remembering ‘oh yeah. He’s gone…’

And what’s even worse than Liam’s quote, in Niall’s opinion, is Harry’s quote. " _It's very exciting to be working on our fifth album," Styles told_ The Sun _. "it shows how incredible the fans have been. A huge thank you to them for everything they've done for us. All the love to them."_

Niall knows that Harry’s a people-pleaser and that he tries to only say things that won’t offend anybody, no matter what their messed-up views may be, but still. He didn’t even answer the darn question, for goodness sake. He just talked about the fans, which, to be frank, doesn’t sound like he cares about Zayn leaving at all.

Niall turns off his computer for the time being and decides he needs to go get a pint. Or several. It’s probably not a good idea to be drinking this early, and on the day they have a show, but oh well.

***

Several drinks in and Niall’s a giggling mess. He’s probably going to get in trouble for this, he knows, but his conscience left about an hour ago. Suddenly he hears Harry’s ringtone coming from his pocket.

“Why hello there,” he draws out after picking it up, laughing.

“…Are you drunk?” Harry asks seriously.

“Yeah,” Niall replies instantly, like it’s obvious. “Why? Is that a _problem_?”

“Well, yeah,” Harry responds. “Yeah, Niall, it kind of is. You know we have a show tonight right?”

“Yeah, so?” Niall goes to get yet another pint, even if something, or someone (known as Harry), is telling him that’s a bad idea.

Harry makes incredulous noises, which kind of makes Niall laugh even more if he’s honest. “Niall, this is your job. You can’t show up for work completely zoned out. Do you not remember when you and Louis got in trouble for it?”

“Yeah. Remember when Zayn and Louis always showed up high out of their minds and never got in trouble for it?” Niall responds passive aggressively. Before Harry has a chance to respond, he continues talking, suddenly feeling a bit more sober (and angry) now that he’s mentioned Zayn’s name. “No actually, you know what? Speaking of Zayn. What the heck was that thing you said in the Sun article about?”

“…What?” Harry questions, taken aback. “I didn’t say anything about Zayn.”

“Exactly!” Niall nearly-yells. “You just completely ignored the question about how you felt about Zayn leaving, and instead talked about the fans or the next album or whatever the heck. And yet you try to tell me you care about him.” Niall’s shaking his head, even though he knows Harry can’t see it.

“Well, what about you?” Harry tries. “You didn’t even say _anything_ in the interview.”

Niall’s eyes widen at that as he realizes Harry’s right. He _didn’t_ say anything in the interview. Not about Zayn leaving, not about the fans, nothing. How is he going to get on Harry’s case when he’s basically done the same thing he’s supposedly angry at Harry for by omission of the truth?

“I… I gotta go,” Niall decides, feeling guilty both for getting angry at Harry and for not saying anything about Zayn. Why didn’t he say something? He knows it was probably because he was sad, but he thinks that’s not a good excuse. “I’ll see you at the show tonight, okay?”

“Niall, wait-” he ends the call and turns off his phone completely before Harry can finish that sentence. Maybe alcohol wasn’t the best solution after all.

That night, before they go onstage, Niall can feel Harry making wary looks at him. After the first three times it happens, Niall starts getting annoyed.

“What _is_ it, Harry?” Niall questions pointedly. “I promise I’ve sobered up enough to not puke on you or something if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“I’m not worried about that,” Harry denies all at once. Niall raises his eyebrows because Harry’s still giving him weird looks. “I’m just worried about _you_ in general.”

Niall rolls his eyes. “Really? This again? Honestly Harry you’re not my dad. I can handle myself on my own.”

Harry doesn’t look offended like Niall thinks he’s going to though. Instead he just nods. “I understand, you need time to yourself right now. Hopefully you’ll feel better after the show.” He pats Niall’s back and then leaves him alone.

Niall just stares after Harry as he watches him go. He knows he should probably apologize for being so rude to him just now, as well as earlier, but you know what? Maybe he doesn’t feel like apologizing right now. To anybody. Maybe he just wants to feel sad about how Zayn is gone for a while, wants to feel angry at how some people both on their team and in their fanbase are reacting to it.

Harry is probably right about one thing though; he probably _will_ feel better after the show. So he takes a sip of his water bottle and stands up to go get ready to go on stage. At least he knows that, in the audience, some of their fans understand what he’s going through too. That thought alone makes him feel a little bit better.

**April 8**

Niall is so excited. Today he gets to spend the whole day with pro-golfers, and best of all he gets to spend it with _Rory McIlroy_. He’s so excited that all the sadness and general negativity he’s been feeling lately seems to fade away.

Right now he and Rory are about to head out to the course. Nerves are blooming big time in him, and he has so many things he wants to say to Rory, but the first thing that comes out of his mouth is...

“Let’s take a selfie!” he says excitedly, trying not to fanboy too much even though his heart has been beating quick ever since he first found out he was going to be doing this. It’s not a question either.

Rory laughs. “I knew you were going to ask that.” Niall raises an eyebrow; is there something wrong with wanting a selfie with one of his idols? Rory just laughs again. “You’re just always posting selfies on your social media, is all. Come on, let’s go stand by the door.”

Niall tries not to squeal at the fact that Rory knows this, so that means he has to have looked at Niall’s social media accounts from time to time. He tries, but a small un-human noise still escapes his lips. Rory doesn’t mention it though, just smiles at him, and Niall thinks he finally understands why his fans cry whenever they meet him, Harry, Liam, Louis, or… Zayn...

Someone clears their throat and Niall jolts back to the present. It’s his body guard that he took with him. “Uh, do you two want me to take the picture?”

“Oh, sure!” Niall hands his phone to the body guard and goes to stand next to Rory. He’s pretty sure the face he’s making is absolutely ridiculous and fanboy-ish, but he doesn’t care because hello, he’s got a picture with _Rory McIlroy_.

After it’s taken and he takes his phone back, he bites his lip to stop himself from squealing again as he posts it to Twitter with the caption “About to caddie for[ @McIlroyRory](https://twitter.com/McIlroyRory) !! Follow[ @TheMasters](https://twitter.com/TheMasters) to watch us win the[ #par3contest](https://twitter.com/hashtag/par3contest?src=hash) !!”

“Ready?” Rory asks when he sees Niall turning off his phone for the time being.

“Yeah!” Niall responds immediately, perhaps too enthusiastically. He clears his throat. “I mean, yeah, as ready as I’ll ever be…”

He tries his best to look serious and professional, but Rory just giggles. “Okay, let’s go.”

Things start out great. Niall is carrying Rory’s golf clubs and he doesn’t even think about how heavy they are. How can he when he’s got Rory next to him?

However, eventually the heaviness backfires on him and he falls. “Oh no Niall,” the lady interviewing Rory says after his fall.

Niall laughs, or tries to, but he’s so embarrassed. He can’t believe he fell that hard, and in front of one of his idols too. The next several minutes seem to pass in a blur as a result, because his mind keeps going back to that embarrassing fall.

He tries to make himself relax, because hey, everybody falls sometimes. It’s not the end of the world or anything.

Once he eventually _does_ relax though, Rory’s handing him a golf club and he feels like he’s holding something fragile; something that could break with the slightest wrong handle. What if he falls again? What if he does absolutely terrible and embarrasses himself, Rory, and everybody else?

Swallowing, he takes the golf club, hits the ball, and… gets a one-under-par. Not too bad he supposes. Rory holds out his hand and tells him, “Good job”.

Niall shrugs, shaking his hand. “Could’ve been better.”

Rory rolls his eyes, but is smiling. “Yeah, but it also could’ve been a heck of a lot worse. You did good.”

And well, if Rory thinks he did good, how can he not be happy? He grins widely. “Thanks, man. That means a lot coming from you.”

The rest of the day is a blur of pictures taken and good vibes. Niall gets to meet Tiger Woods too while he’s there (who he also gets a selfie with, of course) and gets his number. It’s truly one of, if not the, best day of Niall’s life. He can’t wait to tell the other boys all about it.

***

That night, when he gets home, Harry calls him.

“Harry, h-” Niall starts, but Harry interrupts him.

“So,” he draws out, excitement obvious in his voice. Then all at once he yells, “How was caddying for Rory freakin’ McIlroy?!”

Niall chuckles and for a moment thinks Harry sounds more excited about it than Niall was. But then he thinks, no, nobody else could ever be as excited about it as he was and still is.

“It was so sick,” Niall responds, reminiscing. “He was so awesome and nice and just the best golf player in the world.”

“Yeah,” Harry agrees. “I saw you also met Tiger Woods. I’m so jealous right now.”

“I did, I did.” Niall confirms. “You’ll just have to be a caddy for one of them one day too.”

Harry’s silent for a moment and Niall can hear two voices - Liam and Louis? - laughing in the background.

“Nah, I think you’re better at it than I could ever be.” Niall snorts at that. What a kiss-up.

“Do I hear Liam and Louis in the background there?” he asks.

“Oh yeah,” Harry confirms, now sounding like he’s trying to hold back his own laughter. “We all got together to watch the updates on your caddying.” Niall can still hear Liam and Louis laughing in the background as well and saying words over and over again he can’t really understand.

“Why are they laughing? What’s so funny?” Niall asks, but he’s already sure he knows what Harry’s going to reply with before he does.

“Oh nothing…” Harry says, snickering. He goes off the phone for a moment, and Niall can hear him telling Louis he’s on the phone with Niall right now.

Next thing Niall knows, Louis is grabbing the phone and yelling into it, “Oh no Niall!” and Liam then takes a turn at yelling it into the phone as well.

The two of them crack up again, and Niall finds himself cracking up too. He should’ve known from the moment he fell that Liam and Louis are never going to let him live this one down, but somehow, with their laughter in his ears, he thinks he’s actually okay with it.

He can’t be too embarrassed anymore; something about their laughs just puts his mind at ease and lets him also see humor in it. Niall talks to all three of them for a little bit longer and goes to sleep with a big smile on his face.

 

**May 6**

Every time Niall thinks he’s finally getting better, finally getting over the fact that one of his best friends left the band, something always happens to bring him back to square one.

He had been doing _great_ this past month. He hadn’t gotten sad once (okay there was that one time… and that other time… but he hadn’t gotten sad _as_ much), hadn’t hovered his fingers over Zayn’s number before turning his phone off again, and was just overall feeling better.

However, nothing can stay perfect for too long, as he learns when he sees Zayn retweet a selfie of himself and Shahid with the caption “Replace this”. He already knows that has to be an indirect response to Liam’s “new fifth member of One Direction” Instagram post.

He ‘x’s out of Twitter after seeing it, taking deep breaths to calm himself before he dials Liam’s number.

“Hey Niall,” Liam greets happily. Okay, so he must not know then… “What’s up?”

“Don’t go on Twitter,” Niall immediately pushes. “Just… please don’t do it.” He knows how Liam gets when he sees someone directly or indirectly insulting him on Twitter, and isn’t in the mood for the negativity from fans Liam always gets for speaking his mind.

Liam sighs. “It’s okay, Niall. Louis already told me about that retweet, if that’s what you’re thinking about. And I’m not mad.”

“You’re not?” Niall questions. He loves Liam to death, but he knows his weaknesses, and people insulting him on Twitter is definitely one of them, so it’s surprising to him that Liam doesn’t have any urge to rant or anything right now.

“Nah,” Liam assures. “I understand why Zayn would get upset. I’ve always used comedy as a coping mechanism, like I told that one fan earlier. But I know not everybody understands the point of it.”

Niall nods, even though he knows Liam can’t see it. “Right. I’m glad you’re not mad. Because I know how close the two of you were and are, and would hate for it all to end over a misunderstanding.”

“Never,” Liam agrees, and Niall can hear the smile in his voice. “Is that all you wanted to talk to me about?”

“Yeah,” Niall confirms.

“Okay. Well, I’m gonna… umm… call Zayn. Yeah. I’ll talk to you later, yeah?”

“Talk to you later, Payno,” Niall replies and the two hang up.

After hanging up, Niall immediately gets the notifications for a few new tweets from Louis and one new tweet from Zayn.

 **_Louis_Tomlinson:_ ** _Remember when you were 12 and you used to think those Mac filters for your pictures were cool haha ! Some people still do HA!_

 **_zaynmalik:_ ** [ _@Louis_Tomlinson_ ](https://twitter.com/Louis_Tomlinson) _remember when you had a life and stopped making b****y comments about mine ?_

Niall doesn’t even have the energy to read the other tweets Louis posted to Shahid, because right as he reads that last tweet, he lies down on his bed and starts crying hard. Zayn and Louis were best friends, and now they’re fighting.

It’s a loud and clear wake up call for Niall; the fact that things are really changing, and not for the better. If Zayn and Louis, who were practically attached at the hip, can be enemies now, then Niall’s not sure how anything can get better from here.

Just then, who would call other than Harry? Of freakin’ course.

“WHAT?” Niall snaps, not even sorry for his attitude.

“I was just… calling to find out if you wanted to hang out on Sunday,” Harry starts. “Are you crying?”

“Maybe, what’s it to ya? Got a problem with men crying or something?” Niall attempts to laugh through his tears.

“I’m coming over there,” Harry immediately tells him. It’s not a question.

“You really shouldn’t,” Niall tries, but all he hears is the ‘beep, beep, beep’ signaling Harry hung up.

Beep, beep, beep… Suddenly Niall flashes back to when he and Zayn would do the ‘beep, beep, boop’ thing to each other on tours. He thinks it’s absolutely ridiculous that even a beep sound on a phone is making him feel worse. He throws his phone across the room and buries his face in his pillow, screaming and crying into it.

When Harry comes over several minutes (possibly hours? Niall lost track, really…) later, Niall’s not much better. That probably has something to do with the fact that Niall had put on a very emotional 8tracks playlist (two of the tracks – wouldn’t you know it – were “Half a Heart” and “Don’t Forget Where You Belong”…) and is looking through old pics of himself and Zayn while it plays.

“Don’t forget where you belong…” Niall sings along through tears as he scrolls through the pictures him and Zayn took in Vegas like six months ago. “Home… If you ever feel alone, don’t… You were never on your own…” He can barely get the next part out.

“And the proof is in this song.” That’s not his voice though; that’s Harry’s. Niall pauses the music and looks up to see Harry giving him that dumb sympathetic look.

“What are you doing here?” Niall demands. He knows Harry said he’d show up, but he really, really didn’t want him to.

“Said I would, didn’t I?” Harry replies, sitting down on Niall’s bed next to him even though Niall gives him a glare. “You sounded so sad on the phone.”

“I’m fine,” Niall lies, sniffling.

Harry looks at him seriously. “Niall, crying over old pictures of you and Zayn-” he motions to Niall’s phone “-while listening to emotional music, isn’t what I’d define as ‘fine’.”

“So what?” Niall demands, standing up all at once. “Why do you care, Harry? Do you want to save the pitiful Niall who’s still sad two months later when everyone else, even Louis, has evidentially moved on? Do you want to stop me from being a sad mess who’s ruining your reputation by crying all the time or whatever? Because I don’t need a ‘hero’ or whatever the heck you wanna be.”

Harry sits up slowly, mouth wide open as he stares at Niall like he’s lost his mind. “Is that really what you think? That I’m doing this because I want to get something out of it or something?” He pauses for a second, but still doesn’t give Niall enough time to respond.

“Well, guess what? I’m not doing this out of pity or whatever-” he stands up, face to face with Niall “-I’m doing this because I _care_ about you! Is that really so hard for you to believe?”

And those words are enough to send Niall over the edge (again). He’s been trying so hard to deny to Harry – and to the world really – that he’s still struggling, but darn it, he _is_. He wasn’t really getting better, just getting farther in denial.

His head falls onto Harry’s shoulder, and Harry wraps his arms around him into a hug. They just kind of stand like that for a few moments, Niall crying into Harry’s shoulder and Harry rubbing comforting circles on his back.

Finally, Niall pulls his head away from Harry’s shoulder so he’s facing him, but not too far that he breaks the hug.

“I’m so sorry, Harry,” Niall tries. “I’m sorry I keep pushing you away when all you want to do is help me. I’m just… It’s been so hard, these last two months, and then today, when I saw those tweets Zayn and Louis sent to each other, I just couldn’t hold it in anymore.

“I just can’t believe he’s gone,” Niall continues, bringing one hand up to wipe his eyes. “And I feel like, like I’m not _allowed_ to be this sad about it because he did what he had to do, but it still hurts a lot.”

“I know, I know,” Harry replies understandingly, sitting down on the edge of the bed again. Niall follows suite. “I feel the same way. And I know Liam and Louis do too.”

“ _Louis_?” Niall objects angrily. “Did you not see that tweet conversation? ‘Feels the same way’ my a***.”

Harry considers this for a moment. “I think… Everybody has a different way of showing and coping with how they miss someone. Liam uses comedy as a coping mechanism, as we know because it’s what started this whole mess. Louis uses anger.”

Niall’s still shaking his head. “They both seemed pretty seriously done with each other in that conversation.” If you can even call it a conversation, Niall silently thinks.

“Yeah, but remember what Zayn said around the time we first got together?” Harry continues. “He said Louis was the one he got along with most, but _also_ the one he had the most disagreements with-”

“-Because they’re both so alike,” Niall finishes, remembering.

“Exactly,” Harry says. “They’ll work it out. Louis may have a big mouth on him, but if I’ve learned one thing over the years, it’s that he can’t stay mad at Zayn for too long. And vice versa.”

“I hope so,” Niall responds distantly. He knows he shouldn’t be so sad over this; after all, it’s between Zayn and Louis, it has nothing to do with him. He’s spent almost five years with all five of these boys though, it’s hard not to feel sad when his friends argue.

Niall turns to Harry now and takes in everything about him. His relaxed shoulders, his beautiful and concerned eyes, his gentle lips. Everything about him just says ‘I’ll be here for you, no matter how long it takes for you to feel better’. How could he ever think Harry would judge him for still being upset?

Niall brings Harry’s hand to his and holds it tightly. “Please stay?”

“Of course,” Harry nods, not letting go. They just kind of sit there for several minutes, hand in hand, not saying much. Niall’s afraid Harry will get bored, but his expression and body language don’t change at all.

Eventually, the two of them end up cuddling on Niall’s bed and just kind of stay like that all night (minus going to get dinner) and into the next day. As the two of them are sleeping, wrapped up in each other’s warmth, Niall silently thinks to himself that he’s so thankful he has Harry as a best friend.

 

**May 15**

Ever since about ten days ago when Niall and Harry talked, Niall wouldn’t say he’s “feeling better” by a long shot. But he has stopped hiding his emotions from Harry now, and it feels… nice to know someone’s there to listen, no matter how many times he’s cried about the same thing.

“No matter how long it takes, even if it takes a year, two years, whatever,” Harry had said a few days ago. “I’ll be here to listen to you, to hug you, to do whatever you want or need me to do. And I won’t ever get annoyed. I promise.”

Niall had smiled at that, and the best thing about it is that he really believes Harry means it. He smiles again as he remembers it now, and tries to focus on getting dressed. In a few minutes, they’re going on the James Corden show.

It’s going to be weird, because this is the first _real_ interview without Zayn (not just a paper one in the Sun). However, he loves James Corden and it’s been a while since they last saw/talked to him, so Niall’s kind of looking forward to it.

“Going to be a fun night tonight, huh Nialler?” Louis asks.

“Yeah,” Niall agrees, nodding. “Always fun to see James. He’s sick.”

“You gonna acknowledge my existence this time?” Louis laughs, although Niall can see something in his eyes that says he’s not entirely joking.

After the Twitter fight happened, Niall distanced himself from Louis for a little bit, but soon after he realized he was being ridiculous. Louis and Zayn are both his friends (at least, he still thinks of Zayn as a friend) and picking a side is dumb.

Besides, like Harry said, this is just how Louis works. Both of them will get over it eventually; there’s too much love and history not to.

“I promise,” Niall gives Louis an honest smile and then a hug, not wanting to pass this off as a joke, even though that’s what Louis himself did.

“Alright now, don’t get too sappy on me,” Louis giggles, but he’s hugging Niall back anyway. When they both pull away, they smile at each other.

“I love you,” Niall says, because he doesn’t want Louis to ever forget that.

“I love you too,” Louis responds just as genuinely. Then, after a moment, “But what I don’t love is being late and getting an earful of it from our bosses, so go back to putting your shoes on.”

Niall snorts and does what Louis says. Then, a few minutes later, the four of them are all heading to the set. Before they go on, Harry pulls Niall aside.

“Hey,” he whispers. “You think you’re going to be alright?”

“I think so,” Niall says. _I hope so_ , he doesn’t say.

“Alright.” Harry nods. “I’ll sit next to you though, okay? So if you need a hand to hold or anything, I’m right here.”

Niall smiles. “Thanks Harry. That means a lot.”

After that, they all go to sit down on the couch and wait for the interview to start.

It goes pretty well overall, Niall thinks. There are some parts that feel awkward, like when James asks about Zayn leaving or when he asks about his and Louis’ Twitter fight. But Niall just squeezes Harry’s hand and Harry squeezes back and gives him a comforting look that makes him feel a little bit more relaxed.

James is very supportive throughout those questions, and he makes Niall feel safe and relaxed. Especially when it comes time for the games. As Niall’s playing dodgeball with the others, how can he do much other than have a great time? And when James ‘kisses’ him, every last drop of negative emotions seems to fade from him, at least for now.

“That was so much fun,” Niall laughs loudly after they’re done. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone worse at dodgeball than we are, but I loved it.”

“Wasn’t that the point, Niall?” Harry asks. “To be terrible?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Louis responds. “I was trying my best out there to make up for you slackers.” Niall snorts.

“Well I personally think we did great,” Liam tells them. “I can’t wait for the next season. I’m sure we’ll do even better then.” He winks. Niall cracks up at that. He loves his friends so much.

That night, the four of them take a flight to Las Vegas. They have to be there for the Billboard Music Awards in two days. As soon as they get seated, Niall immediately closes his eyes, too exhausted from all the fun they had at the interview today.

Before completely falling asleep, he thinks he feels Harry leaving a kiss on his forehead. He passes out before he can think about it for too long.

 

 

**May 18**

Niall loves his fans. He really does. They’re like his whole world. However, sometimes they can get on his last nerve with how they think they know everything.

It’s all over Twitter. The screencap of Liam thanking “our brother Zayn” at the Billboard Music Awards last night. A lot of fans are just saying “I’m crying” in all caps, followed by those keyboard smashes they seem to love doing so much, but some of them have decided to zoom in on Louis, Harry, and Niall’s expressions when Liam said that – laughing at how uncomfortable they look.

In Niall’s opinion, Harry doesn’t look that uncomfortable. He looks more worried than anything else – possibly worried about him? Niall’s heart flutters at the idea.

And Niall himself was 50% annoyed with Liam for adding something else when he thought they were done talking for now, 50% sad because of the Zayn mention. He doesn’t like how the fans are interpreting it though, doesn’t like how they think he’s mad Liam called Zayn one of their brothers or whatever.

After like the fiftieth “they look so done with Liam/hate Zayn” tweet, Niall ‘x’s out of Twitter, taking deep breaths to stop himself from doing something he’ll regret, and dials Harry’s number.

 

**May 30**

Amidst all the hugs, cuddles, and just general listening sessions that Niall’s been doing with Harry lately, Niall’s started to notice something. Every time Niall thinks about Harry, hugs Harry, or is just in the same room as Harry (which is a lot), his heart starts doing this weird thing where it beats faster.

He’s not sure why, it’s not like they’re exercising together or anything, and he stopped being nervous around his bandmates after, like, week 1 in X Factor. Why would it start up again? He decides to not think about it anymore and go to sleep.

 

**June 1**

Niall and Louis are going out tonight. They both decided they needed some time to breathe, dance, and escape everything eating at their minds. So here they are, at Libertine Nightclub in London. As they’re about to go inside, Niall realizes he recognizes five of the beautiful young ladies in front of them.

Apparently the girls recognize them too, because as soon as they spot them, the girls start walking over to them. “Hi!” One of them says.

“Hiya loves,” Louis responds, about at the same time that Niall also replies.

“Hey. Fifth Harmony right?”

“Yeah,” the one in the short black shorts and slightly high-pitched voice confirms. “I’m Camila, remember?”

“Oh yeah!” A light bulb goes off in Niall’s head. “What are you girls doing on this side of the world?”

“Well,” the one dressed in a light sleeveless dress – Ally, he remembers – starts. “We’re doing promo down here and the girls thought we’d all get our drink on since we’re all actually allowed to here.”

The one with the super bright hair, Dinah, scoffs. “Yeah, lots of fun for you guys…”

“Aww, cheer up Dinah,” the one wearing the long necklace – Normani – tries. “In just 21 more days you’ll be able to too.”

Niall thinks he hears the final one – Lauren – whisper in Louis’ ear, “Yeah and by the time that happens we’ll be back in the US where she’ll have to wait another three years.”

Niall and Louis both snicker slightly at that. When Dinah glares at them though, they try to calm themselves down.

“Yeah, well,” Louis clears his throat. “Laws stink, what can you do about it?” That earns a chuckle from all five of them. “Anyway, do you all want to take a picture together before we – er, most of us – go inside?”

The girls seem to automatically light up at the idea of taking a picture together, so Niall kindly asks one of the people nearby to take a picture of the seven of them. After that, all of them except Dinah go inside and start heading to the bar.

“What do you guys usually get?” Camila asks, slightly embarrassed. “I’ve never actually done this before.”

“Oh man, where do we even begin?” Niall smirks and starts into what’s basically a whole speech about how to choose the perfect alcohol for you, his personal favorites, and the very first time he ever got drunk.

He thinks he also hears Louis whisper to Camila, “See this is why you never ever ask Niall about alcohol.”

***

Niall’s a few drinks in, finally starting to feel a little tipsy. He and Camila have been chatting throughout the night. He likes her, he decides. She’s a great person to just talk to.

“So, uh…” Camila starts, looking a little awkward now. “I don’t know if I’m allowed to ask this or not. If you don’t want to answer, you don’t have to, but. Are you and Zayn okay?”

Niall nearly spits out his drink. He knows he doesn’t have to answer, she said he didn’t have to, but something in her eyes makes him know he can trust her – plus he’s a bit tipsy – so he tells her.

“I don’t know,” he responds honestly, feeling instantly sad as he admits it out loud. “I know he and Liam still talk when they’re both free, but I haven’t heard from him since it happened…”

“Are you… okay with that?” she asks. He raises an eyebrow at her. What does she mean by ‘okay with it’? “I mean, like, I know I’m not as close to the friends I had when I was in school. Some of us don’t talk anymore, but I’m okay with that because they’re off doing their thing, I’m off doing my thing. It doesn’t mean we hate each other, but we’re not in each other’s lives anymore…”

He takes a moment to think about it. It’s an interesting question, one he can’t say he’s really thought about. Is he okay with not having contact with Zayn, knowing that they’re both off doing their own thing and are both happy overall (he hopes)?

“No,” Niall decides, startling himself when he realizes he said that out loud. He looks away from Camila, awkwardly mumbling gibberish before putting his drink back in his mouth.

“Niall,” she says comfortingly, turning him to face her. He expects a judgmental glare, or a look of pity or something, but she’s just giving him an understanding smile.

“It’s okay. You don’t have to feel bad about missing him or anything. But,” she pauses, taking a sip of her own drink. “A problem won’t go away unless you do something about it.”

“What the heck am I supposed to do, Camila?” he questions, swallowing another sip. “I don’t have a time machine. And even if I did, who am I to tell him not to leave a job that was obviously making him unhappy?”

“No, but,” she puts her hand in his. “You do have a will, and where there’s a will there’s a way.”

“Deep,” he snorts.

She pushes him lightly, causing him to giggle. “I’m just saying!” She stops for a moment, taking a sip of her drink. Then she looks at him firmly in the eyes. “Look, I know I’m not the best at advice, and I know it’s none of my business, but I don’t like seeing you this way, and I’m sure your fans and friends wouldn’t either. So just promise me you’ll at least _think_ about calling him or something? Because I’d wager he misses you too.”

At a loss for what else to say, he just nods and hugs her. “Thank you, Camila.”

“Anytime,” she tells him.

The two of them keep talking throughout the night, until a smashed Louis comes over to them with an even more smashed Lauren.

“Niall,” he slurs. “I’m gonna take Lauren back to her house, okay?”

“Sounds good,” Niall replies, feeling about ready to pass out himself. “Think ‘m gonna go home myself soon.”

Louis nods (or tries to nod, at least – it looks more like he’s trying to get a bug to fly away from him) and walks Lauren to their security guards’ car.

“Camila?” Niall tries, eyes drooping.

“Hmm?” Camila responds, looking in an even worse condition.

“Think ‘m gonna head out now, but would you mind if I got your phone number?” She raises her eyebrows. “Not, not like that,” he immediately denies. “I just like talking to you, and would like to be friends with you, if that’s okay.”

“More than okay,” she says, attempting to scroll on her phone. Somehow she manages to give him her phone number and vice versa.

When he notices he’s saving her name as “Camel”, he realizes it’s really time to hit the sack. The two of them hug and say their goodbyes – after he makes sure she doesn’t need a ride home too – and promise to see each other again. He really hopes they will.

 

**July 8**

Niall’s been feeling a little bit better since his talk with Camila that night – as well as through their texts since then. He thinks he’s finally realized that both he and Zayn are just going in different directions with their lives, and that’s okay. Friends fade from each other, and it’s not always because they hate each other, but because they just go on different paths. It’s okay.

That’s what he keeps telling himself, at least, but then today he finds himself in Harry’s room ready to explode again. The two of them had decided to meet up just because they felt like spending some time together before their show tomorrow in San Diego, as well as so they could watch the unveiling of the boys’ newest project – action1D – together.

Somewhere in between watching the action1D video the four of them put together and reading what fans were saying about it on Twitter, Niall started thinking too hard.

It’s a great campaign, action1D, and he’s really confident their fans will put together some great contributions that will hopefully make a difference. It’s like everything Niall’s ever wanted them to do… and Zayn.

Niall remembers how devoted Zayn was to so many different charities (and probably still is), how he’d always donate whatever he could to whatever charities he could, and just loses it because he realizes how much Zayn would’ve loved to be a part of something like this.

Harry is holding Niall in his arms now, and Niall’s getting Harry’s shirt all wet from his tears, but he hopes Harry doesn’t care…

“It’s just like, he was so into stuff like this you know?” Niall says, tears distorting his vision. “Remember that time, around when we were making This Is Us, when he made that beautiful life-sized Gromit for that charity thing? He would’ve loved this so much.”

He’s not sure his words are making any sense, but Harry just keeps nodding at him. “Maybe he’ll submit a video or something for it,” Harry offers.

“Maybe,” Niall shakes his head. “I just wish he was back in the band, Harry.” There it is, Niall thinks to himself. The reason behind all reasons for his sadness. He doesn’t want Zayn to _have_ to submit a video like their fans do; he wants Zayn to make an official video with the rest of them, as a member of this band…

“Alright, that’s it,” Harry tells him all at once, removing himself from Niall and getting up. “Stay right there.”

Niall frowns; does Harry not want to listen to him cry about Zayn for the millionth time? Is he getting annoyed now? Was that ‘even if it takes two years’ thing just something made-up? Well, of course it was, Niall thinks to himself. Nobody wants to have to listen to you cry about the same thing off and on for who-knows-how-long. People are supposed to cry about it once, maybe twice, and then move on, right?

He finds himself getting sadder, and not just because of Zayn anymore, but also because he’s convinced Harry hates him for always talking about the same thing and being ‘annoying’. He lies there, just crying to himself now, convinced Harry’s not going to come back, or that he’s going to come back with a knife or something. He knows that second thing probably won’t happen, but when he gets in a depressive zone like this, it’s hard to see outside it.

Eventually though, Harry’s coming back in the room with a… computer? Niall gives him a confused look, but Harry just smiles and sits down far enough away from him that he can’t see what he’s typing.

“What’s going on?” Niall asks after a few moments of Harry just sitting there, typing and clicking buttons on the laptop.

“Remember when you told me,” Harry starts. “About what Camila said to you at the bar a month ago? About how she said sometimes friendships fade but she’s okay with it because they’re off doing their own thing?”

“Yeah…” Niall tries to defend himself. “And I’ve been trying to listen to that advice, Harry, but I just-”

“I wasn’t finished.” Harry holds up a hand to stop him from talking. “As I was saying, maybe that’s not the message she wanted you to take from it.” Niall raises an eyebrow. “Because, if I remember correctly, you told me…” Harry slowly starts scooching closer and closer to him. “That she also said, if you’re _not_ okay with it fading… you should do something about it.”

Finally he reaches Niall’s side, and Niall looks at the computer and gasps. They’re on Skype right now. With Zayn. “Hi, Niall.”

“Zayn!” Niall squeals excitedly. “It’s you!”

“Yeah,” Zayn grins kindly. “Harry told me you’ve been missing me. Well, technically he said ‘he’s been a proper pain in the a***, getting my beautiful shirts all wet’ but I got the gist.”

“Hey,” Harry draws out. “That was supposed to be a secret.” Niall slaps Harry in the face without turning away from the screen, and Zayn laughs.

“Haven’t changed a bit, I see,” Zayn winks. “So, what have you lot been up to lately?”

“Well,” Niall starts, easing into the conversation. “Mostly just been making songs for the new album. Uh… Today we announced this thing we’re starting called action1D.”

“Oh yeah? What’s that?” Zayn asks with interest.

“It’s basically like, our fans submit videos about the world they want to live in and we’ll put some of them together to put pressure on our leaders to make changes.”

“You make it sound like we’re part of the Illuminati or something,” Harry says, making Niall crack up.

“What, you mean you aren’t?” Zayn fake gasps. “That’s the reason I left to be honest.” He looks around conspiratorially, and Niall can barely breathe from how hard he’s laughing.

“I’m sorry,” Harry responds distantly. “I’d answer that question honestly, but then I’d have to kill you.”

All three of them laugh at that, with Niall reaching the point of laughter where he’s laughing so hard he can’t even make a sound.

After that, any awkwardness that may have been in the room seems to fade. Niall and Harry talk to Zayn about how album number five has been going, about how they’re planning to release the first single off of it in a few weeks, and Zayn says he can’t wait to hear it.

Zayn talks to Niall and Harry about how he’s thinking about moving to LA soon – which has Harry pretty much jumping up and down – and how he’s trying to find a new record company to be a part of.

It’s such a relieving conversation to have, after so long of not speaking to each other, of not seeing each other’s faces. Even though the idea of Zayn working for a different record company still stings a bit, Niall will get over it. For now he’s just happy they’ve gotten to talk to Zayn and everything’s cool between them.

“So, uh…” Niall says now as he looks at the time. “Tomorrow we gotta be up early so we can get ready for our show in San Diego, but… I’ll talk to you soon, right?” He feels ridiculous asking this question when before it was a guarantee they’d talk to each other again. Now he’s just not sure though.

“Of course,” Zayn responds like it’s obvious. “I’ve missed talking to you too much to never talk to you again. So, I’ll talk to you later, yeah?”

“Yeah… Yeah! Definitely,” Niall replies, grinning super wide. “I’ll talk to you later, Zayn.”

“Talk to you later, Zayn,” Harry echoes.

“Talk to you later, guys,” Zayn smiles one last time and then signs off.

“Oh my gosh!” Niall squeals once he’s positive Zayn’s offline. “I have missed that smile, that voice, so much. I’m so glad I got to talk to him again.”

Harry’s got a strange look on his face – it’s like a mix of happiness and sadness together. Niall doesn’t know what to make of it.

“I’m so glad you got to too,” Harry tells him. “Maybe this means you’ll stop wetting my beautiful shirts.” He winks.

Niall snickers. “No promises.” Harry keeps making that face, and Niall’s starting to get a bit sad himself. “Uh… Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Harry assures distantly. He sounds and looks anything but fine, but Niall just shrugs. He’s about to get up and go get ready for bed when Harry suddenly speaks again. “Are you in love with Zayn?”

Niall blinks at him blankly for a minute, then starts laughing super hard and loud. “What? Harry, are you sure you’re okay right now?”

“It’s just, the way you were so depressed about him leaving and so happy to see him again, I thought…”

“Well, you’re wrong,” Niall interrupts, still giggling. “Come on, Harry. I’m not in love with Zayn. Like, he’s like my big brother, that would be weird. I was sad because I lost a brother, not a lover, you know?”

“Right,” Harry shakes his head. “Well, I think we should go to bed now. Today’s been a long day, and tomorrow we have our first show back in the US.”

“I agree,” Niall immediately nods, offering his hand to Harry. The two of them walk hand in hand, heading to bed together. They cuddle into the night, Niall feeling the best he has in ages. He finally has all his boys – all four of them – and this time he’s never going to go that long without talking to any of them ever again.

 

**August 1**

_Proud of my boys the new single is sick. Big love. :) x_

Niall smiles as soon as he gets the notification for that tweet from Zayn on his phone. Drag Me Down was released last night and the fan reaction has been incredible. He’s relieved to be honest. Even if the fans haven’t given him a reason to believe so, he was really worried the lack of Zayn’s voice would make them not like it.

The critics’ opinions are whatever, but the fans’ opinions mean everything. So he’s glad they like it – and even more glad that Zayn likes it too.

Niall decides to start a Skype conversation with Zayn while he’s thinking about it.

“So, you like the song huh?” he asks immediately after it starts working.

“Yeah, it’s sick,” Zayn replies. “You especially sounded great during the second chorus. I was impressed.”

“Oh stop,” Niall blushes. “I’m nothing compared to your amazing riffs – which were very much missed by the way.”

“I don’t know,” Zayn strokes his chin. “I’ve been watching you guys’ concert videos and think you’re doing pretty well. You’re better than you give yourself credit for to be honest.”

“Does that mean you’re gonna come see it in concert for yourself sometime?” Niall jokes, winking. He knows Zayn’s busy with his own life, especially now that he’s officially signed to RCA Records. Still though, he wishes it were possible.

“Actually, I think I’m going to the Ottawa concert on September 9th,” Zayn responds seriously, and wow… Niall was not expecting that.

“For real?” Niall questions, jolting up.

“For real,” Zayn confirms.

Niall’s mouth hangs open for a few moments, just staring at the screen like it’s too good to be true. “Well then we definitely need to hang out on the day after!”

“Duh.” Zayn chuckles.

Niall quickly grabs a blank sheet of paper and pen, jotting it down immediately. “Would Harry be allowed to come too?” He asks, since Harry’s the one who helped this whole regular-Skyping-sessions thing happen in the first place. "And Liam?" He doesn't ask about Louis, just in case things are still tense.

“Wouldn’t have it any other way.”

They talk for a bit longer, making a plan to talk more in detail when the date gets closer. Niall immediately texts Harry and Liam the news and sighs. He can’t wait for September 10th to come.

 

**August 4**

“Oh gosh, what a day,” Niall says, falling straight down onto the couch in the hotel room he and Harry are staying in.

Today, they were interviewed and performed at Good Morning America in New York City, and then took an approximately one hour drive to a hotel in New Jersey. Safe to say, they’re all pretty worn out right now.

“I know,” Harry agrees tiredly, falling down next to him.

Niall chuckles. “I feel ridiculous because it’s not even nighttime yet and I’m already so tired.”

“Hey, no judgement here man,” Harry responds, waving one hand. “I’m right there with you.”

Niall snorts. “Good.”

The two of them just lay there for a moment, until Niall decides he’s hungry and gets up to order room service. When he gets back over to the couch, Harry is looking at him with a face a bit hard to read.

“What?” Niall asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Can I ask you a question?” Harry replies.

“You just did, but you can ask me another one, yes.” He snorts at his own joke and sits down next to Harry. “What’s up?”

Harry looks at him like he’s trying really hard to read him. “It’s just… Are you sure you aren’t in love with Zayn? Or Louis or something?”

Niall rolls his eyes. Honestly, this again? “Yes, I’m one hundred percent sure.” He pauses for a second, staring at Harry like he’s lost his mind. “But honestly, why do you care?”

Harry bites his lip, staring at his fingernails for a beat, then looking back up at him again. “Because… I think I like you.” Niall freezes at that, not having expected that at all. “Do you, like me?”

Niall just blinks at him for a few moments, not really sure how to respond. _Does_ he like Harry? As more than just a friend?

“Umm… I gotta be honest, I haven’t really thought about it.” He plays with his own fingernails now, suddenly not wanting to make eye contact. “I’ve been so focused on Zayn leaving and trying to feel better about it all, a romantic relationship with _anybody_ hasn’t really come up in my mind.” He turns his eyes back to Harry’s face, even though he’s afraid of his reaction.

“Right, of course,” Harry says awkwardly, throwing his hands up. “Forget I said anything about it.” He starts to get up to answer the door, but Niall stops him.

“Wait. I’m not necessarily saying no. Or yes.” Niall frowns, trying to choose his words carefully so Harry doesn’t feel upset. “Can you just… give me some time to think about it?”

“Okay,” Harry smiles genuinely, then opens his arms to hug Niall, who gladly accepts. There’s so much unsure-ness on Harry’s part during this hug, which makes Niall sad because they’ve always hugged each other tight and long with ease. He gets it though, he supposes.

“Thank you,” Harry tells him once he pulls away. Niall just grins and hopes the ‘of course’ is implied. The person knocking at the door is getting impatient, so Harry sighs and both of them go to answer the door.

 

**August 16**

“So, saw you guys won a TCA for No Control and are, like, the first people to win one for a song that wasn’t a single,” Zayn says happily through the Skype video chat. “That’s so _sick_. I know you guys must be really proud.”

“Yeah, definitely,” Niall replies distantly, not really paying much attention. “Louis is really happy about it…”

“Well he should be. His voice is like half of the song.” Zayn snickers. “Didn’t he and Liam help write it too?”

“Mhmm…” Niall nods, not really looking at the screen. He doesn’t mean to be so distant with Zayn, but his mind is in a completely different zone right now. He can’t stop thinking about what Harry said a few days ago, and keeps trying to figure out if he feels the same. He’s been thinking about it for so long that words in his head have stopped sounding like words and instead sound like noises a car makes when it crashes.

“Hmm…” Zayn considers, then deadpans, “I think I’m gonna get a tattoo of Shahid on my left butt cheek, because he turned out to be a pain in the a***.”

“Yeah, that would be cool…”

“What the heck, Niall?!” Zayn demands, jolting Niall back to reality a bit. “What’s going on?”

“Why do you assume something’s going on?” Niall questions, even though he knows there’s no point in it because his expression probably betrays the fact that there is, indeed, something going on.

Zayn snorts. “Don’t play dumb with me, Niall. You’ve been my friend for five years. You’re never this isolated unless something’s going on. So what is it?”

Niall almost considers not telling him – it’s not like he’s required to tell Zayn _everything_ even if they’re finally talking again now. However, he’s never been good at keeping secrets from his friends, so eventually he sighs.

“Alright,” he starts. “So like, a few days ago, Harry told me that he likes me.” Zayn raises his eyebrows, intrigued. “And like, he asked if I liked him back, and I told him I had to think about it for a bit. And I’ve been thinking and thinking about it, but I’m still not sure, and I don’t know what to do about it.”

“Honestly?” Zayn responds after a second. “I think you’re just thinking about it too hard.” Niall tries to defend himself, but Zayn puts a hand up to stop him. “Sometimes it’s hard to figure out what the heck you’re feeling, and that’s okay. But if you think about it for too long, you start making up things in your head that aren’t even there.”

“What the heck does that even _mean_?” Niall is so confused. Is Zayn high right now or something? Because he’s not making any sense whatsoever.

Zayn exhales. “Alright. I’m going to ask you some questions, and I want you to answer honestly with a ‘yes’ or ‘no’. No ‘maybe’s or anything like that, yeah?” Niall nods, even though he still isn’t sure where this could be going.

“Okay.” Zayn clears his throat. “Do you want to kiss Harry?”

“Yes. I mean-”

“Could you imagine yourself dating him?”

“Well, yes, but-”

“Do you find yourself getting hot and bothered whenever he’s around?”

“Well…” Niall blushes. “I guess so, yeah.”

Zayn bites his lip to hold back his laughter at that. He still takes a few moments to gather himself. “And could you imagine yourself saying ‘this is my boyfriend, Harry’?”

Niall thinks about it for a moment, and quickly realizes that yes, he wants to be able to say that so badly. “Well, yes.”

Zayn throws his hands up. “See? That wasn’t that hard, was it?”

“No,” Niall admits. “But so what? Even if I do like him, it’s not like I can do anything about it.”

Zayn just stares at him like he’s grown an extra head. “Niall, he admitted to liking you. Literally all you have to say is ‘I like you too’ and he’s yours.”

“Yeah but…” Niall bites his lip. “The fans, and the things it might do to our image-”

Zayn snorts. “See? More overthinking and making up problems that aren’t there.” He shakes his head. “Honestly, Niall, if the fans are anything like they have been over the past five years I’ve gotten to know them, they’ll understand. And if they don’t? Well, f*** them, they were never worthy of your time in the first place. Yeah?”

“Yeah…” Niall tries. “I guess you’re right…” It’s hard to accept that though; the fans mean the world to him. Even one fan deciding not to support them anymore would hurt.

“Well, I think I’ve gotta go now,” Zayn tells him, looking at the time. “I’ll talk to you later. Just promise me you’ll try not to overthink too much, okay? Because I love you and hate seeing you so down.”

The look of genuine concern on his face makes Niall smile widely. “I’ll try. Thank you Zayn. I love you.”

“I love you too babe,” Zayn replies, blowing a kiss. “Goodbye.”

“Bye,” Niall responds, ‘x’ing out of Skype and turning off his computer once he’s completely sure Zayn’s offline.

That night he keeps repeating Zayn’s words over and over again in his head, and deciding how he’s going to approach the subject with Harry.

 

**August 18**

The boys have just gotten offstage from their show in Columbus, Ohio and are now on the tour bus. Liam and Louis are in their own little world, chatting about who-knows-what as usual.

Making sure the other two aren’t paying any attention to him, Niall whispers in Harry’s ear, “Can I talk to you?” and motions to another room on the bus. Harry immediately nods and follows right behind Niall as he leads the two of them away from the others.

“So,” Niall starts, nerves building up more and more by the second as he tries to figure out the perfect words. “I’ve thought a little bit more about what you said to me about a week ago, and…” He looks down at his feet, and his heart feels like it’s going to beat out of his chest with how fast it’s going.

“I like you too,” he finally says all at once, hoping Harry’s able to distinguish his words.

When his eyes meet Harry’s again after a few seconds of silence, he almost wishes he could take a picture of Harry’s expression right now. It’s so genuinely happy and beautiful and makes Niall want to smile as well.

“Really?” Harry asks, sounding like he’s about to cry of happiness.

“Yes,” Niall confirms.

Right after he says those words, Harry charges at him all at once and desperately hugs and kisses him like he’s been waiting so long for this moment. Niall secretly thinks he himself has been waiting so long for this moment too, but just hadn’t realized it yet.

 

**September 4**

This morning when Niall woke up, he instantly knew today was going to be great. He had gotten a text from Camila saying she was coming to the show tonight and he got so excited he almost started jumping. He hadn’t seen her in the flesh since that day at the club with Louis, and had been dreaming of when they’d finally see each other again.

Right now, the two of them are backstage together, just messing around and having a good time. Niall takes a video of Camila attempting to ride a Segway and uploads it to Instagram.

“You did not just upload that to Instagram!” Camila calls after getting off of it.

“Oh but I did,” he giggles, showing her the video on his phone.

“I hate you,” she replies, shaking her head while watching it.

He can’t stop the tears in his eyes he gets from laughing so hard. “You could never hate me, no matter how hard you tried.” He winks.

“Unfortunately,” she responds, sticking out her tongue. After one last chuckle from him, she speaks again. “So how have you been? I mean, I know we’ve been texting, but I haven’t really gotten to _talk_ to you in a while because of our busy schedules.”

“I’ve been good. The tour’s been absolutely ridiculous, but in a good way. It honestly never gets old, seeing so many fans at shows screaming your name and singing along to songs you’ve worked hard on.”

She nods. “Yeah, I definitely agree.” She bites her lip, suddenly looking unsure now, and Niall already knows what that means. “Have you been doing any better with the Zayn thing since I last talked to you?”

“I’ve been more than better. I’ve been fantastic.” He smiles genuinely, and is more than grateful that he’s able to say these words. “I’ve started talking to him again on Skype regularly, and we’re both in a great place, both with each other and in general, which makes me really happy.”

She grins back at him and pulls him into a hug. “I’m so glad to hear that. I love you.”

“I love you too.” He hugs her back tightly and wishes he could just frame everything about this moment in time. He’s dating Harry, Skyping with Zayn, and hugging a girl who has quickly become one of his best friends. Life couldn’t be better.

 

**September 10**

Niall and Harry are carefully heading to the restaurant in Ottawa that Zayn told them about. Liam wanted to come, but had promised Sophia he’d go home to visit her during the break they have from the 10th – the 24th.

Niall had argued that he had plenty of time to go home and visit her, but it was no use because ultimately, when it comes to Liam, Sophia wins over pretty much everything and everyone else. Niall and Harry had just shrugged and told him to say hi to her for them.

When the two of them pull into a parking space by the restaurant and start to get out, Niall notices there are two other cars there instead of just one. He doesn’t know why; they rented this place out for two hours and Zayn hadn’t mentioned he was bringing a date or a friend or anything. He also feels like he kind of recognizes the car next to Zayn’s.

He doesn’t think about it too much though, because they have to quickly usher into the restaurant before any paparazzi or fans get a chance to find them. When he and Harry get inside, he can’t believe his eyes.

“What the f***?” Niall asks out loud without realizing it.

“Oh hey,” Zayn replies like there’s nothing out of the ordinary. “’Bout time you guys got here.”

Niall just stares at the sight in front of him; Zayn, sitting next to – and holding hands with – Louis. They don’t _look_ like they were just fighting or anything like that, so Niall carefully takes a seat, Harry following suite.

“Should we be worried?” Niall questions, ready to bolt if things go too far. “Are you two going to cause a scene or something?”

“Come on now, Niall,” Louis replies. “Everybody knows not to cause a scene in a fancy restaurant, even one that’s rented out for the day.” He turns and makes lovey dovey eyes at Zayn. “Besides, why would I ever want to fight with this gorgeous creature?”

“…But, on Twitter…”

Louis laughs. “Oh come on, do you really think a few Twitter squabbles could ever tear us apart?” He brings Zayn in for a nose kiss and it’s possibly one of the most adorable things Niall’s ever seen, albeit a bit disorienting.

“Yeah,” Zayn agrees. “We both talked it out and understand each other’s opinions. Even if we still may not agree on the whole Calvin Harris thing, we’ve put it behind us.”

“Mhmm…” Louis hums, putting an actual kiss to Zayn’s mouth now. “Sorry for not telling you lads. Thought it would be a bit sudden.”

“You thought it would be a bit sudden, so instead you decided to surprise us at a restaurant…”

“Oh come on, is it really _that_ surprising?” Harry inputs. “They always acted practically married to each other anyway…”

Niall nods wordlessly, not able to disagree with that.

“Anyway,” Louis draws out a bit loudly. “Enough about us. Zayn can tell you the sappy love story about how we talked it out and became boyfriend and boyfriend later. Right now, I’m starving.”

As if on cue, the waiter walks over to them then to take their orders. It’s like that person was just waiting for them to finally stop talking.

The four of them spend most of the rest of the afternoon talking, but also just smiling at each other and being happy to all be together again. They even call up Liam at one point to make it really feel like good old times.

Before they’re all about to leave, Niall walks up to Zayn and gives him a big hug. “I’ve missed being able to do this,” he murmurs. “Your hugs were always my favorite. Don’t tell the others.”

Zayn laughs. “Right back at’cha, bro.”

Niall eventually pulls away and smiles sadly. “Will I see you again anytime soon?” Zayn bites his lip, going silent for a moment.

“I’m not sure,” he finally admits. “I have a lot of free time, but I kind of just want to, like, lay low and take things at my own pace, you know?”

“I do,” Niall nods, though he still feels uncomfortable. He hates not knowing for sure when he’s going to be able to see one of his best friends again. It hurts a lot because even though Zayn used to need time to himself during breaks all the time, this is different. This time, Niall doesn’t know when the ‘break’ from seeing him will end.

“But I’ll still Skype you! And text you, and all that good stuff.” Zayn puts a comforting hand on his shoulder. “I never want to feel like I’ve lost you again.”

Niall grins. “Thanks, Zayn.” He pulls him in for another hug, then remembers something. “Oh, one more thing!” He pulls back to take out his phone really quickly. “I saw you deleted your old Instagram and made a new one. Would you mind telling me the username of it?”

“Of course! My new username is ‘Zayn’.” Niall looks at him judgmentally and Zayn chuckles for a minute. “I know, so original, right?”

“You’re really trying to become a one name entity aren’t you?” Niall snorts, then puts on his best theatrical voice as he says, “First Cher, then Madonna, now Zayn.”

“You know it,” Zayn jokes.

“I hate to rush you guys,” one of their security guards says suddenly. “But if you want to be able to get back home at a decent hour tonight, we’ve gotta move it.”

“Well where’s the fun in that?” Harry asks, resulting in laughs from all of them.

Niall clicks the ‘follow’ icon on Zayn’s profile and then pulls him in for one last hug. “Hey!” Harry calls. “Stop hogging all the Zayn hugs!”

“Wait your turn,” Niall pushes back. Harry just sticks his tongue out at him. Niall turns his attention back to Zayn and says softly, “Take care of yourself okay?”

“I will,” Zayn promises. “And same to you as well, yeah? When you’re sad it makes me sad.”

“How romantic,” Niall teases, resulting in a light pinch from Zayn. “But I will. Goodbye Zayn. I love you.”

“See you later, Niall. I love you too.”

The words ‘see you later’ send chills up and down Niall’s spine. It makes him happy, the idea that this isn’t the end, that they will see each other later (and not just on Skype either), even if it’s months or years from now.

As Niall and Harry walk back to the car (after Harry demanding three hugs from Zayn too), Niall just thinks about how far he’s come. This year started out terribly. After Zayn left, Niall was almost convinced he’d never be happy again, even with the endless support of the fans and his friends.

But, as he stares out the window at the restaurant as they drive past it, he thinks things aren’t so terrible anymore. Part of him will always be sad one of his best friends is gone, but that’s okay. The bigger part of him, though, is now happy. Because they’re talking to each other again, and it’s hard not to be happy when he sees how happy Zayn is living life at his own pace.

As he turns away from the window after the last of the restaurant fades from vision, and turns his face to Harry’s beautiful face, he brings Harry in for a kiss. And he thinks, yeah, things are going to be okay. _He’s_ going to be okay.


End file.
